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How long does it take to really know someone?
Is it even possible to really know someone? Inside and Out? Do you really know me? Do you really know what I like? Or do you just tolerate what I like? Do you even really like me? Or do you just like the idea of me? Meaning you’ve been without someone for a minute and that, you’re just settling with me, because I am showing you attention until you find something that interests you more. Or maybe… You don’t even know what you like or want? Maybe you're a drifter and you just drift from one situationship to another.
Whatever the case… Is the time that I am investing with you benefiting me as much as it is you. I know that may not be a popular opinion. But, if you listen to most successful people they would say, that anything consuming your time should be an investment. And with investments you expect a return and relationships should be viewed as investments. What are you getting out of the deal. Are they helping you grow - to become a better person, working out, stress relief, whatever the case may be because you cannot get back time. So, how are you spending your time and how is your time valued?
Now we are constantly changing are wants, needs, desires and goals. So can you ever really know somebody or expect them not to change as their values are constantly changing. Or maybe you don’t need to know someone like that. Maybe opposites really do attract. Maybe it’s better to have more things not in common, then it is to have more things in common. It might get just as boring having someone like every last thing that you do and never get put on to anything new.
But, let’s take a step back for a second to figure out if the person that you are giving time to is even worth it. Are they selfless enough to put aside what they like to watch, eat, do, etc. to take the time out to even split interests. Do they even consider your feelings. Do they notice things without having to be told every little thing. Are they willing to offer help in order to accomplish your goals and not have an attitude about it. Are they there for you when your not in a good place and need the help temporarily. Who you surround yourself with determines the outcome of your life. Who you choose to surround yourself with determines the outcome of your life! So, who’s around you. Who’s in your circle, In your corner for real. Are they real, are they fake?
So a little bit about my background and experiences. Where does some of my ideologies and principles come from. Why should you tune into me to hear me talk about some of this stuff. Now no one can know everything or think they should. So at the end of the day these are my opinions and tips to help you navigate through life or be that listening ear that you desire and may not get from anybody else. That’s typically what I’m known for in the circles of my friends an associates. The reliable (sometimes gullible) friend that had to learn when to say NO more and I’m not doing that.
But, still nice, still going to give my honest feedback and opinion that won’t be sugar coated and not meant to just tell you what you want to hear all the the time. Not for everybody, but, I’ve come to find out that it's more appreciated than it would seem. Furthermore, I am a great listener and let people really get things off of their chest without interrupting and without always having to have an answer. So, people open up to me with no problem. Even when I’m not asking. So people value my advice and what I think of things. Sometimes, especially from a male point of view that’s been through many experiences and doesn’t mind talking about them. Now, I have started this platform to extend those conversations of: Is my boyfriend cheating on me - what’s the signs, I don’t believe in myself, etc.
So, I began to DJ as early as 13. Typical for the most part. This is the quick version looking back in hindsight. I’m not going to bore you all too much. But, I had so many people around me that could be there for the good times. Hit my phone up to find out where the fun is. Faithfully, but, when the time came for me to need real help. Or.. Even support when you start doing your own thing. A like, comment, or subscribe would be helpful now if you compared what you did for some people. Can’t be found when it’s your turn. Don’t remember what you may have done for them. Don’t owe you anything and they don’t have to but, damn. Perception is a mother fucker. And then when you start acting different. When you remove yourself from being used. You’ve switched up. You’ve changed. Frown down upon you. Act like you’re in the wrong. Trust me I’ve obtained over 1,000 contacts from Djing if not more. If all those people would support you when you’re really trying to come up. I wouldn’t need to look far to find support. This platform could be popping a lot more quickly. But, especially if you come from the african american community it’s 10 times worse because everybody has the crab in a barrel mentality. They ain’t trying to help you. They’re trying to help themselves too rather then each other. They see you, they may even watch or listen. But, that doesn’t put food on the table. If anything, when you reach a position of influence or interest, pretty much expect to get used in some way. It’s sad but, hey. Anyway, so I’ve had this experience to deal with and notice from an early age. I’ve held several jobs already. Almost 14 different jobs and can pretty say It’s not for me at this time. So, I have experience their as well. Djing, music, recording, writing, producing, filming, photography, serving, bartending, making sandwiches, tech setup, insurance and interning for millionaires I’ve had my share of experiences. Then, there’s my love life. I’ve been in at least 8 relationships already and have had enough partners to where I don’t know the exact number. Maybe could tell you a ballpark area and I’m in my late 20’s. There is no better data or frame of reference for things aside from experience and I’ve had my fair share.
And even with all that I have shared. You still don’t know me. You can assume. You can make your pre judgments and you can insinuate what you think of me… But, and this is what really annoys me and we’ll explore this more later on throughout the season. But, I feel really bad and sorry for anybody who has to look for a partner or if you don’t have any ideal candidates and your searching for somebody to pursue a relationship because these times are absolute trash. The communication is trash, the lack of interest is trash, and it’s too many games. To try and date in these times are not for me at all. My number one problem with females in this era who has there ridiculous checklist of perfection of what they want in their relationships. Or what they think they want…
Is that they don’t ask enough questions. They don’t care enough to ask enough questions about the guy that’s pursuing them because they’re too self centered into their own lives and ego and aren’t even selfless enough to pursue a relationship in the first place. Fellas please avoid these women at all costs! Too many are out here just looking for fast money, someone to waste time with and aren’t building towards anything. How many times have you came across a female that said they’re interested in great conversation and looking for it. Your on a dating site online. You Match and you’re the only one asking all of the questions. Going out your way. They want you to message first like its a sign of real chivalry because they’re so messed up in the head only to get one word responses and damn near no interaction. Yeah.. Good luck.
Furthermore because of online the way things are today is a shot in the dark. That’s my personal opinion. But, hey. Maybe you think it’s working for you or maybe it is. But, to sit and think that you can know someone because they put up a few interests online or post or tweet some responses means you can know them. With all the fake facades and personas and lies being told online how can you trust any of that.
Anyway, to wrap up episode 1 because they’re are so many places and dynamics to take this conversation and keep it going. I used to get looked at and still probably do from peers. For always having a different girlfriend every 2 years or for dating longer than 3 months without having an official title… Which I believe labels are trash. And, even though I didn’t know as much then as I do now about people and society and question why and how so much on what is deemed as conventional. I was never a fan of Oh. let me jump into this relationship or situationship right away. Oh, we’ve been dating for 3 months. When are we going to make it official and go exclusive. Oh, No. I’m no the problem. Great for you if it was love at first sight. Great for you if the second person you started dating in your home town and you’ve never met anybody else was all you needed. I was never that guy. Would it be nice when I go back and think… Maybe, sure. But, I would not have all the experiences that I could share with you today if that was my story for me.
So I generally take about 3 to 6 months, if not more of dating. Just to get to somewhat know you. And you know I understand the oppositions side of things. Are they just stringing me along? Is it real? Am I wasting my time? Well, here’s a saying. I’d rather measure twice and cut once. 1st time divorce rates are pretty high, not to be negative. But, you can’t say that getting to know the other person and communication doesn’t play a huge part in that.
People who are disappointed in those they have a relationship with either didn’t ask enough questions or didn’t really listen to the answers. When people tell you about themselves and their behavior—for instance, admitting to having a quick temper—listen!
Many people fail to notice or they simply ignore the red flags, or warning signs. If you see one, it’s supposed to stop you in your tracks. Unfortunately, most of us refuse to stop when it comes to romantic love.
No flag or warning from a friend will stop you from going through with the relationship. Even if you suspect that opening your heart may result in getting it broken, you will do it anyway because the lure of love is so powerful. We all have that friend that hits us up on advice and we’re like that’s stupid. Don’t be in a situation like that only to find themselves in a similar situation later or already before. & unfortunately it is because at the end of the day. We are all still human. Who learn by trial and error no matter the warnings or knowledge of knowing right from wrong. Thinking that you will change a person once you are in a relationship is, unfortunately, mere fantasy. People do improve, but only if they want to. Relying on someone to come to his or her senses isn’t a good bet.
You are better off dating longer and seeing how someone chooses to grow rather than wishing and hoping, or trying to force someone to make the changes that you desire.
My job is to get you to think. Not to persuade you or make you think like me. But, just to question what is around you. Why are things the way they are? Why do people think the way they do about certain things? And challenge them.
So take time today to ask questions about your significant other. Put down the phones and all of the peeking into other people's lives and found out more about who’s actually taking time to be apart of your life. What’s going on with them? What are their goals?, etc.
If you are looking to get something off of your chest or want to present a question to maybe get some insightful answers or if you just have a good story you want to tell. We would love to have you on the show!
If you have any suggestions, comments or topics that you would like to have on the show. Send them to my Twitter @IntrovertDame. Also, Follow me on Instagram @IntrovertDame and Facebook @IntrovertDame.
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